My dear Yogis and Yoginis,

I got beautiful and encouraging feedback for my blog about
“Trust & Control”, because it was very personal.
This is another recent personal experience and I found this article
addressing some of the issues. Here a few excerpts out of it.

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“Man’s freedom doesn’t lie in being able to do what he wants, but in not having to do what he doesn’t want to do.”
~ Jean-Jaques Rousseau

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“If you love me and my development is important to you, you will not forbid my NO or take it away. Not even with quiet pressure. And if I love you, I won’t blame you for the fact that sometimes the only way you can be true to yourself is to say NO to me. When the word NO is honest between the two of us, we manage to stay free.”
~ Ulrich Schaffer

“Self-care means that we say goodbye to everything that is not good for us. And that works by consistently saying NO to everything that doesn’t suit us. By daring to set boundaries, we show that we have the courage to love ourselves at the risk of disappointing others.
However, many of us lost a sense of healthy boundaries in early
childhood, leaving us stuck in disproportionate adaptive behavior. And that makes it extremely difficult to lead a self-sufficient,
self-determined life. But: We can develop this authentic, autonomous self. Can learn to take good care of ourselves.
In fact, that is our mission in life. It is the task, the fulfillment of which makes our soul shine. …

This ability to set boundaries requires courage, strength, perseverance and a willingness to deal with conflict.
But it is precisely these skills that we need in order to develop a stable, self-determined ego. …

The path to inner peace and true strength is therefore to take good care of ourselves. That means we need to be clear about our own needs, interests, and goals, define them for ourselves, live by them, and commit oneself to it. …

Too often, however, we expect others to know when they’re going too far. But each of us has very individual limits. So we have to be very clear about what is tolerable for us and what is not.”
~ Christiane Schönemann

When I grew up I was raised to please people and that my needs are not as important as other’s. Taking care of everybody around me
became second nature and if you feel needed or appreciated, it felt
almost equal to being loved. It was so easy and I became like a chameleon. I needed less and less which doesn’t sound that bad. But I didn’t even know anymore what I want or need myself and had no idea where my boundaries are or where to set them.

I have been questioning all of my behaviors already quite a few years, but change doesn’t come easily when you practiced these trades so well for more than half a life time.

Covid arrived and I felt like not only life changed a lot, but
relation/friendships as well. At that time I also had to let go of my beloved dog and soul mate. Almost a year later I adopted an other dog.
As many of you know she is challenging me since almost 2 years now
and I finally got it – I have to change!
This beautiful soul had me set boundaries; what a painful process.
In the last couple months I was able to do this also in other parts of my life. Changes concerning family dynamics and old friends are not easy and equally painful, but at the same time freeing and
empowering. 🙂 I know these are the first steps in the right direction and by staying aware I will be able to stay on the path.

Monday 21.11.
Energizing the Center for Strength
Flow

Wednesday 23.11.
Full-Hearted Yes or No
Flow

Friday 25.11.
Put that Love on Yourself
Slow Flow

You may not be able to relate to any of what I am writing, but there is always a bit more care we can give to ourselves in this fast paced life!

Love,

Nicole