My dear Yogis and Yoginis,
This is probably the most personal blog I have written so far.
A friend of mine, I visited near Hamburg said that I am on my own created “Way of St. James”. Obviously I was not walking from Spain all the way to Denmark and back, but maybe being by yourself driving that distance and visiting the past can have a similar result.
I have been doing my FM’s (Fascial Maneuvers from the Human Garage) during my travel and did some live teaching on the way in Denmark, Switzerland and Germany which was a great experience.
The whole last week I have been reflecting on all the people I re-met on my trip and how even the perception people had of me changed this time. I also got a stronger sense of who still belongs in my life and knowing where I don’t belong. So all sorts of shifts happening while being loyal to my process and FM’s 😉
Today I took all my courage to ask questions in the Lifestyle Artist meeting we had. Even though I can perform/dance on stage and teach with confidence classes when it comes to speaking up in meeting I get super nervous. I went for a walk with my dog after the meeting and thinking about what Garry (Founder HG) said about the need for my to open up my heart and allow myself to receive.
Thinking about it made me realize that my heart has always been wide open to “god and the world” so stay. Yes, I had my share of being deeply hurt, so that a friend of mine even said “your heart is way to open, I want to close it a bit up for you”. I never did, but I did fail to open it up to myself. The self-judgment, feeling of never being good enough, shame, guilt, negative self-talk that were repeated habits/patterns taught in childhood by my family. All of this prevented me from loving myself. I never saw it as clear as now.
I guess I haven’t even been able to allow myself to receive love fully or believe that someone could love all of me. The feeling of unworthiness I was able to cover up nicely my whole life by loving others even more. Being taught putting yourself first is selfish wasn’t helpful in the whole process either.
So I guess learning to love myself is on the top of my list now 🙂
Monday 07.08.
Pelvis Awareness
Slow Flow
Wednesday 09.08.
What do you need to learn
Flow
Thursday 10.08.
Open Theme
Yogis Choice
Friday 11.08.
What do you need to learn
Flow
I am grateful that I can always share my authentic self with you!
Love,
Nicole